The Night Before

I lay here, less than 24 hours before I will depart from Chicago’s O’Hare Airport for a 21 hour flight to Dubai, a 4 hour layover and then a 4 hour flight to Ahmedabad, India at which I will arrive at 3:00am, but don’t ask which time zone or perhaps even the actual time, because I have no real clue. Either way as each second moves on by I come ever more near to the greatest adventure I have yet to undertake in my relatively short 25 years. It’s both exciting and terrifying in some ways. Of course one might think that the fact that I have never left the United States or perhaps that I’ve never even been on an air plane or even the idea of being away from everything I’ve known for 6 months to be the most prevalent unnerving uncertainties of my psyche, but honestly none of that really bothers me all that much. From one perspective, what scares me is being away from everyone I know and love, to not be able to physically be here for those people, to not have that physical connection that I so often have taken refuge in, to not have the absolute certainty of a future embrace. See the thing is that I have thrived on genuine social interaction and connection my whole life, so being or feeling alone has always been a bit of a weakness for me. The interesting thing though is that even though there is a physical distance with each mile that I will steadily depart, there is this beautiful, wholesome love that I carry with me each step of the way. It is this ceaseless, boundless love that lights the way through the unknown, it is that which illuminates my path and gives me the courage to truly embrace this journey that I am about to embark on.

I know, I know, you are probably wondering how the most exciting and highly anticipated adventure of your life could possibly sound as if I were walking down the Yellow Brick road crying “lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!” Awaiting for the Great Wizard of Oz to give me a heart, but there is a part of me that fears the long awaited “sit down with yourself and have a nice or perhaps slightly rowdy conversation about life.” One of the largest and highly anticipated undertakings of my time in India is the process of self transformation and part of that is addressing the person I have been, verses the person that I wish to be. This of course isn’t a bad thing, its just not necessarily easy nor full of sunshine and rainbows. That being said, this is one of the challenges I am most excited to face, because it means the remembrance of my true self and the process of manifesting who it is that I really am underneath a lifetime of experiences and false impressions.

Tomorrow marks the end of one full chapter of my life and the beginning of another. Truthfully, the last couple of months have been some of the most beautiful of my life and as this chapter ends I feel full of love. If not for the love of those dearest in my life, I wouldn’t be here right now on the presuppose of this journey to my spiritual home. It has honestly astonished me at the amount of love and gratitude that I have witnessed in my life as of late, truly I am blessed to have been graced with such genuinely beautiful people in my life. I am so thankful for your support and for giving me this opportunity to pursue this dream. Through every moment of struggle, my burden is made light at the thought of your love and I look forward to sharing with you all that is made possible through this journey.

I love you for all that you are and I wish you each the greatest happiness in our short time apart.  Take time to be fully in joy and truly understand what that means to you.

Much love,

Justin Matthews

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